Limerance Is Bliss

How it burns!
The sheer agony, the crushing certainty
That your whole world is about to burst
Crumble into a million aching pieces
Unless you can steal a glimpse of her perfect face
All day long, with every breath
With each traitorous heart beat
You do nought but think of her.
But always you feel that claw of ice on your heart
Freezing the life out of your soul
As all your hope takes wing
All your desperation to leave a life
Miserable and stolid, insipid and revolting
Beats a painful echoing tattoo in your white - padded mind
All your dreams of ever being wanted
Being wanted as piercingly as you want her
Every second of your existence
Seems like another level of hell
You stop breathing
Because you don't want to inhale the excrutiating air
Only her scent is salvation
Can you even begin to understand
The black despair of knowing deep down
That she's not yours
An impossible dream
Always there to kill you
Always bleeding you
With every glimpse of her perfection
You die just a little more
You drown in your feelings
You wish you could cut out your heart
You get down on your knees and pray for the torment to stop
For the pain and despair to black out
All the while you pretend
For all to see you are just the best friend
Deceit is damnable, especially deceiving her
But you know the absolute horror
You'd go through if she were to change
Change for the worse once she knew
You shudder as you realize the truth
She's too good for the likes of you
She's just too perfect to ever want you
Want you as desperately and achingly as you need her
You realize that you cannot endanger your friendship
The surety of never seeing her again
Or ever being close to her, even as a friend
Scares you shitless
You couldn't possibly scare her away by telling her how you feel
So you subjugate your feelings
Keep them fighting for air
Beneath the diamond hard surface
Of your cruel heart
Cursed diamond, mocking your love for her
Mocking your absolute readiness
To give anything or do anything for her.
Mocking your burning passion for her
The passion that threatens to burn away everything
Guts, heart, eyes, ears, viscera, all
You obsess about her all the time
You can't work, you can't eat
Forget about sleeping
When you are awake you're in a trance
You think only of her and dread the day
When she finds out and runs away
You think of killing yourself only to realize
That she'd hate you for it and would never forgive or understand
But still you think fondly of a merciful bullet
Sweet poison and rushing fall
All calling you, telling you to stop the pain
You laugh at yourself when you think of what you want to do
She says she'll never marry
But you just want to wed her
You wish she would be the mother to your children
And grow old and die together
Two lovebirds or two teardrops
Fate entwined forever
You devise a plan
You will tell her the truth
If she laughs or worse
Runs away from the monster that is you
You decide that once and for all
You will end the story
With tears and blood you write her a note
You put a loaded gun in your coat
You work up the desperation to tell her
The note is in another pocket
You prepare to tell her how much you love her
How she drives you crazy
How you cannot face the thought
Of her loving someone else
Just as you approach her
Despair breaks your heart
What an absolute horror you are!!!
You can never be good enough for her
Noone can
So you take out the gun
You feel the cool metal barrel against your fevered temple
You take solace in closure
You kiss her
in your mind and tell her she always was the one for you
You escape hell at last...